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Ms. Deaf International 2022, MEGAN HOLMES

Talk by Our Guest of Honour Megan Holmes, Ms. Deaf International 2022 at KZNBDS Mother’s Day Breakfast

I’m honoured to be speaking to you. I hope that you feel excited as I am to be part of this special moment. My name is Megan. I’m Ms. Deaf International 2022. The first ever Ms. to win an international title. I’m a sports fanatic and a mom of a Deaf child.

The question you would probably been asked about the challenges of being a Deaf mother. I believe the common answers are: ‘It’s not easy at all’, ‘Very difficult’ or ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

For me, the first thing that came to mind was my daughter’s first cry. I didn’t hear that cry for the first time. I’ve been told to take off the hearing aids (for technological reasons) when I went into the theatre. When I saw my baby the first time, I cried with mixed emotions. Happiness because she looked so beautiful. Sadness because I was unable to hear her first cry. This was heartbreaking for me. I communicated with her using sign language from day 1. I wasn’t even concerned if she was Deaf or not. Her health was the main thing that came to my mind. My ex-partner was worried, and he wanted her to go for a hearing test to make sure (the first test somewhat confirmed that she was hearing). So, I decided to take her to an audiologist for a hearing test for a second time and that time it was confirmed that she was Deaf. Deafness runs in my family. He was very upset as if his world was coming to an end. I was shocked and confused by his reaction, but I continued to do my best for my child. On the bright side, her first sign language was ‘Light’ when she was 7 months old and there is absolutely nothing wrong with her!

When she was four months old, we moved to Johannesburg, and it was the hardest decision to make because I was leaving my family behind and starting a new life there with my ex-partner (Unfortunately things didn’t work out) then I realized I needed my mother the most. She is always there for me. No matter what. However, I was on my own. Every night I had to wear my hearing device when I slept. I got up constantly at night whenever I heard unfamiliar sounds as I thought she was crying. It was hard for me to recognize when she was sick because I was doubting my intuition. It was really exhausting. It took a toll on my mental health. Becoming a first-time mother without emotional support is a very daunting experience and believing that I was doing everything wrong. I was being constantly criticized for my mothering style and the way I looked (it’s so easy to forget to take care of yourself) which led me to believe that I wasn’t good enough for my child. I was told that I was too clingy and a soft mother. It’s very hurtful because we as a first-time mother are trying so hard to do our best for our children, right? It’s so sad that most of us are going through this. Loneliness and isolation hit me hard. There were many challenges like I was unable to make Dr. appointments and I ignored when the phone rings from school about something important. So many feelings of missing out of what was going on or what was being said. I don’t even like going to the parents’ meeting. I hate to ask for assistance or depend on others. Being Deaf is isolating. Eventually, my mental health got worse, and I got a lot of suicidal thoughts. I found myself crying frantically in the bathroom. I wasn’t aware that my child was there, and she saw my behaviour. Of course, she doesn’t understand the whole situation, but she just came to me and hugged me. We cuddled on the floor for a while. When I looked at her face, I said to myself, ‘Nope I can’t do that, and I need to stop that. I must be strong for her. She needs me the most’. I decided to go for counselling, and I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety attack. Slowly, day by day I was learning how to manage my mental health and went out more often. Set up playdates with mothers. Learnt from them. I’ve managed my life better emotionally and mentally when I joined the cycling club. Sports helped me to become physically and mentally stronger, it taught me patience, commitment, and discipline. Every day I look at her and she reminds me why I’m alive and I’m very grateful to have her. She is my greatest gift.

At her age of 5 & 6, she witnessed that I’ve won Ms. Deaf South Africa 2021 and Ms. Deaf International 2022 respectively. I’m so proud to be her role model and she is the one motivated to keep going. Being a title holder is not all about gliding down a runaway in a flowing gown and a glittering crown. It’s about personal growth. Your confidence will grow. Your emotional intelligence will improve. Your perspective will change. You will become a better version of yourself and be the best role model for others. See my glittery crown. It’s red. Red represents Perseverance, versatility, and loyalty, as well the real unique essence of being a Deaf woman. This sums up my whole journey so far.

My message to all mothers,

You are simply amazing, and you do more than just give them life. You teach them right from wrong. You bandage their scrapes and wipe off their tears. You hug them when they are feeling down and celebrate with them when they are happy.

Remember all of us are lucky enough to have a mother in our lives, however we may have had someone like grandmother, aunty, sister, and maternal figures step up and fill that role for us. Show them your love and appreciation in return and they all need this. Don’t wait for Mother’s Day to celebrate. Celebrate small any day. Any time. We don’t live forever but our mother’s love lasts forever.

Thank you.

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